My Origin Story

Once upon a time, a group of teenagers worked at a swimming pool. It was not a very big swimming pool and the teenagers were not the most professional lifeguards to ever don the whistle, so there was plenty of downtime in which they got into their fair share of hijinks. Sometimes, it was grilling a doughnut to look like a hamburger and serving it with ketchup to a hapless coworker. Sometimes, it was leaving the premises to buy a staff Slip 'N Slide. Sometimes, it was just seeing which bottles would explode when struck with a wrench.

Then, in the summer of 2005, a movie was released that launched a debate that would last the entire summer.

Batman Begins.

Now, none of the lifeguards were really into comic books, and what knowledge there was derived from movies and TV shows. Not even all of them saw this particular movie. But they were young and restless and willing to do just about anything to avoid skimming the pool. So, the debate arose: Batman or Superman?

As far as the lifeguards knew, Batman was a broody vigilante with a cave and a butler and a utility belt. Superman was a capital-H HERO who had just about every superpower imaginable, including the abilities to wear his supersuit under any outfit and to wear a pair of identity-concealing spectacles with aplomb. The accumulated knowledge didn't amount to much, but the debate managed to split the staff. Batman was derided from his lack of superpowers and his shaky grasp on sanity. Superman was disqualified for being an alien and having too many superpowers.

As one of the more junior lifeguards at the time, my voice didn't count for a whole lot, but I was Team Batman all the way. I hadn't seen Batman Begins and was coasting off of an animated TV show and a movie with a nippled Batsuit, but it didn't really matter. So what if I didn't know what the hell I was talking about? Batman was cool, and that's all there was to it.

Everything changed.

I ducked spoilers for The Dark Knight with more effort than was probably warranted. I saw The Dark Knight Rises on opening day. I expanded beyond the DC movie market and dabbled in Marvel. Comic book movies sucked me in against my better judgment.

Then, the shows started.

And that is my more-or-less factual origin story.